About me? Since this thing wasn’t my idea, I don’t really feel comfortable saying a lot about me. It’s really about God: listening to God, being obedient to God, and trusting that the Holy Spirit will give me the words here.
I was pretty sure that God told me to start a blog, this blog. I really didn’t want to. Who would read it, who would care, what would I write? I prayed about it and felt even more certain that I was hearing God correctly. I still didn’t want to start it. I came up with lots of excuses not to create this thing: “There are a million gazillion cool and interesting blogs…….These things take work……these things need someone interesting.” I forgot about it – I pushed it as far to the back of my mind as I possibly could.
A few weeks later I started to feel like I did in school when I had a homework assignment due in the morning and I hadn’t even started – I was completely full of dread and uncomfortable. And I had no idea why. I didn’t think I was forgetting anything at work.I went through the bills twice, everything was paid. I questioned my husband and my kids – I hadn’t upset anyone recently. Ugh! So I did what I should have done the first day I felt this, I asked God. God spoke very clearly in my spirit – which, by the way, sounds exactly like my own voice. 🙂 The conversation went something like this:
me: God, what is going on? Am I forgetting something big that I need to do? Are my kids okay, I mean really okay? I can’t stand this feeling and I have no idea why I’m having it – help!
God: you’re not obeying me.
me: huh? (then to myself) what the heck is he talking about? this sounds like something big and nothing big is coming to mind. no obvious past or present sin I need to repent of popped into my head (although there are PLENTY), no one I had refused to forgive was flying into my consciousness, no direct commands that I could remember just saying “No” to. (back to God) Okay, can you tell me what I’m not obeying in?
God: you know what it is. I asked you to do something and you decided it wasn’t important.
me: so there was a direct command. what had I been asked to do? (racking my brain now) the only thing I can think of is that blog thing and that didn’t seem very important.
God: It’s your job to obey, not to determine what is important or unimportant.
I started the blog the next day. Although I have not been as obedient as God wants me to in writing on it, I’m trying. It’s awkward and uncomfortable – so bear with me. God has been faithful and given me a hundred ideas of things to write. I’ve come to understand or believe the blog is really just an exercise in me learning to write more and possibly research more – a necessary stepping stone to something else.
So, if you happened upon here and you’ve stayed with me long enough to get to this point- then you’ve probably figured out that I don’t have all of this figured out. I do feel this blog is supposed to be primarily about awareness of social injustice, but it may also include my opinions about life, recipes for cakes I really love, and memories of all the great things God has done in my life, my husband’s life or my two teenaged daughter’s lives. We’ll just make it up as we go. Sound good?